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Up In Here

» The Rules of the BBQ

Mar 15, 2010 - 9:11 AM - WillRiker
WillRiker's Avatar In preparation for the BBQ season it is important to refresh
your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cookingactivity.
When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are
putinto motion:

(1) The woman buys the food.

(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables and makes dessert.

(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the
man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.

(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion
zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding
activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:

(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

(6) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.

(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great.
He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat.

Important bit again:

( THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins,
sauces, and brings them to the table.

(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:

(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And,
upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing
some women!
2 Replies | 13 Views

» Oh My!! Toilet paper...

Mar 15, 2010 - 8:43 AM - hntbarbie
hntbarbie's Avatar This is just wrong on every level...
but yet way too funny!!!



Who the hell dreams this stuff up???
This was in a restaurant...I'd never eat there again!!!
That Is Just Not Right!!!



If the toilet paper snaps off inside...
would you put your finger in to get it???
4 Replies | 15 Views

» Avatar Movie rips off Pocahontas?!?!?!

Mar 15, 2010 - 7:01 AM - Morty
Morty's Avatar Avatar movie was a total visual orgasm. Especially if you watched it in 3D. But ya, the plot seems like it's been done a hundred times.

But when you compare it to Disney's Pocahontas, it seems like an almost direct rip-off.

1 Reply | 15 Views

» Tarzan, The Tree Hugger

Mar 15, 2010 - 6:53 AM - hntbarbie
hntbarbie's Avatar Tarzan had been living alone in his jungle kingdom for 30 years with only apes for company, and suitably shaped holes in trees for sex.
Jane, a reporter, came to Africa in search of this legendary figure. Deep in the wilds she came to a clearing and discovered Tarzan vigorously thrusting into a jungle oak.
She watched in awe for a while. Finally, overcome by this display of animal passion Jane came out into the open and offered herself to him.
As she reclined on the wild grass Tarzan ran up to her and gave her a big kick in the crotch.
In pain she screamed "What the hell did you do that for?"
Tarzan replied, "Always check for squirrels."
0 Replies | 9 Views

» Best sex he ever had

Mar 15, 2010 - 6:49 AM - hntbarbie
hntbarbie's Avatar A guy went into a bar and met a nice girl. They have a few drinks and soon wound up at his place, in bed. They're having a great time. She was on top when suddenly she had an epileptic seizure; she was shaking and foaming at the mouth.
Our uninformed male thought this was incredible - best sex he'd ever had. He finished, but she is still shaking and thrashing about with her seizure.
He began to get nervous and took her to the emergency room. A nurse asked what the problem was and he replied, "I think her orgasm's stuck!"
0 Replies | 14 Views

» I just love to fish!

Mar 15, 2010 - 6:42 AM - hntbarbie
hntbarbie's Avatar A fellow was on his honeymoon near his favorite fishing lake and he would fish from dawn to dark with his favorite fishing guide.
One day the guide, friend of many years, mentioned that the honeymoon seemed to be spent fishing.
"Yes, but you know how I love to fish..."
"But aren't you newlyweds supposed to be into something else?"
"Yes, but she's got gonorrhea; and you know how I love to fish"
A few hours later, "I understand, but that's not the only way to have sex."
"I know, but she's got diarrhea; and you know how I love to fish..."
The following day: "Sure, but that's still not the only way to have sex."
"Yeah, but she's got phyrrea; and you know how I love to fish..."
Late that afternoon, thoroughly frustrated the guide comments, "I guess I'm not sure why you'd marry someone with health problems like that."
"It's 'cause she's also got worms; and you know I just love to fish..."

0 Replies | 10 Views

» Dying for a drink

Mar 15, 2010 - 6:39 AM - hntbarbie
hntbarbie's Avatar A man, dying from thirst, was crawling through the desert. He crawled over a hill and sees a little bar surrounded by cars. He crawls in the front door and up to the bar. He chokes out the word, "Water!"
The bartender looks at him and says, "Got any money?"
The guy shakes his head no and again says, "Water!"
The bartender says, "No money, no water."
The guy looks around and spots a spittoon. He tells the bartender, "Guess I'll have to drink this."
The bartender replies, "Be my guest, no money, no water."
Customers see the man drinking out of the spittoon, start getting sick and start rushing out the door in droves.
The bartender gets alarmed and tells the guy to stop, saying he was just kidding. The guy keeps on drinking. By now the bartender is in a panic as the place is almost empty. He pleads with the guy to stop drinking.
As the last customer leaves the guy puts the spittoon down and wipes his mouth off. The bartender asks, "Why did you keep on drinking? I told you I was just kidding."
The man responds, "I couldn't stop."
"Why not?" the bartender asks.
The guy replies, "Cos it was all one long string!"

0 Replies | 11 Views

» A Young Couple Caught Short In The Cinema

Mar 15, 2010 - 6:34 AM - hntbarbie
hntbarbie's Avatar There's a young couple in the cinema. The girl says, "I must have a piss, can I squeeze past you?"
"Why don't you squat down on the floor and do it" says the boyfriend. "You'll have to disturb all these people, besides its dark, no one will see you."
"OK" she says. She pulls her drawers down and squats on the floor. The bloke starts feeling horny at the thought of her down there, so he reaches down and makes a grab.
He feels something long and hard and says, "Urgh! Have you changed your sex?"
"No" she says "I've changed my mind... I'm having a shit instead."
0 Replies | 18 Views

» Knitting In The Waiting Room

Mar 15, 2010 - 6:32 AM - hntbarbie
hntbarbie's Avatar Three women were in the waiting room of a gynecologist, and each of them was knitting a sweater for their baby-to-be. The first one stopped and took a pill.
"What was that?" The others asked her.
"Oh, it was Vitamin C - I want my baby to be healthy." A few minutes later, another woman took a pill.
"What was that?" the others asked.
"Oh, it was iron - I want my baby to be big and strong."
They continued knitting. Finally the third woman took a pill.
"What was that?" the others asked her.
"It was thalidomide," she said, "I just can't get the arms right on this fucking sweater!"
0 Replies | 10 Views

» Random fact of the day.. March 15th

Mar 15, 2010 - 6:19 AM - hntbarbie
hntbarbie's Avatar Mar 15
Today is the International Day Against Police Brutality, first observed in 1997 after Swiss police beat two children age 11 and 12 to death.
0 Replies | 11 Views

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